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Whipping into shape

Text: Whipping into shape

from Kimberley Lau, 03.11.08

Text

BDSM is much like any other sporting activity and requires just as much training, Kimberley Lau discovers.

Getting gagged, tied up and flogged is a secret bedroom fantasy for some – and for a good reason too.

The usual bedroom romp could go very, very wrong should someone request to be paddled on their behinds with a hairbrush while being tied to the bedpost. Their partners might think they’re involved with a psycho with control issues, tie them up with knots boy scouts would be proud of, wallop away at their derrière until they pass out and make the great escape before the man comes to.

What could have been a beautiful relationship has instead been replaced with a fractured hip, hands blue from the lack of blood circulation and trying to dial emergency with your toe, naked.

The Mistresses at The Kastle, on the other hand, are an accommodating lot. They’ll dress you up as a maid, lock you up in a cage and dangle various paraphernalia from unmentionable parts of your body – if that is what you wish, of course.

The job of a Mistress, however, is not all about playing pretend as dominatrix and owner of S&M parlour The Kastle Mistress Scarlett shares.

“A lot of women think they want to be a Mistress but they don’t really know what it is they say they want to do. They know they get to dress up, and a lot of them are attracted to that idea – the shiny boots, corsets and fishnets, but the job can be very down and dirty. It is a very intimate job. You’re not just standing around posing. You’re really down in the trenches with some of these guys.”

The Mistress who has been in the business of fetish for 15 years likened it to the priesthood: “Many are called but few are chosen,” she said, “I can’t immediately tell if someone is suited for it, and most of them don’t know either because they don’t know what the job is.”

To clear any misconception or doubts that women might have about the job, Scarlett invites the aspiring Mistresses to The Kastle to observe its activities.

“I always invite them in to be a voyeur. They get to meet the Mistress, hear the phone calls that come in. Sometimes we dress them up to look like Mistresses so that they can go into a room and watch the session.”

At the end of their visit, the ladies are free to leave The Kastle, no strings attached.

“There are no obligations. Some don’t even last through the whole session – they go out to buy a bit of lunch and never come back,” said Scarlett.

Return visits usually mean that the women are keen on professional Mistressing. These Mistress wannabes are then asked to come in for two to three shifts a week for about a month. These unpaid lessons allow them to see professional Mistresses at work.

Other methods of learning are through instructional videos and books on BDSM as well as health and safety.

“The videos demonstrate everything step-by-step. Everything is safe, sane and consensual. The health and safety books teach Mistresses how to use the equipment properly and the precautions they need to take during a session.

“For instance, there are parts of the bum that’s good to whack; people don’t want to go to the beach with cane marks showing on their thighs. The techniques teach them how to use the equipment to maximum effect and to address specific parts of the body – that’s the skill of a professional Mistress.”

Not everything can be taught on a whiteboard, however, as Scarlett noted: “I could say that they need to be empathetic, intelligent... a whole line of adjectives. But if someone wasn’t the right person, they won’t be here after a month.”

When the conventional learning methods of reading, listening and watching have been exhausted, it’s time for Mistresses-to-be to be part of the show.

“Experience is of course the best teacher but we can’t send a lady in hoping she’ll have enough good sense and judgement to not injure the guy or herself. So we stick our toe in; they go into the room with an experienced Mistress who assist them or vice versa. As long as they get the basics down, we can add to that. It’s a learning experience.”

While it is not necessary for Mistresses to personally experience being a dominant or a submissive, having been in such a position would help them empathise, Scarlett enthused.

“The best B&D is when the Mistress is able to create a session where the client can be transported into an otherworldly state. It would be hard for a Mistress to create that kind of magic for someone if they have not had that kind of magic created for them.

“If she’s never been in the same position she might not be able to understand why he would want that – whether if it is feeling nurtured, or lost, and why he would want to pay to get it.”

The complex psychological and physical demands of the job and the stigma attached to the trade has, however, not deterred but rather encouraged young women to join the industry.

“In the past two months, the floodgate has opened. I’ve received many emails from all sorts of women who tell me they want to be a Mistress.”

“Last month, an 18-year-old girl asked me if she could come over after she had finished with her exams. I told her ‘yes, but bring your I.D and good luck in your exams’,” said Scarlett, laughing. “I’ve never had an email like that!”

Scarlett, who has about ten part-time Mistresses under her care at the Kastle, said most of the women who sign up to be Mistresses are usually in their mid thirties: “Occasionally, we would get a girl that’s about 28 years old who would understand the job. Now we get quite a few through the door.

“Things have certainly changed.”
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The Kastle in the media
Time marches on but some bonds hold forever July 28, 2008 (Sydney Morning Herald)
The Kastle May 30, 2008 (Pool)
Sexperts: Sexual fantasy and fetish June 26, 2007 (Sydney Morning Herald)
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