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Ratigan Signs in Excel

Text: Ratigan Signs in Excel

by dogfoil, 07.07.08

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This is a mashup of two stories uploaded to Pool, ‘A Ratigan Street Story’ by Rustyrat and 'Vital Signs – The Pulse of Our Valley’ by elneal.

I took the first ten sentences of each story and placed them in their own cell in Excel.

I then sorted the cells alphabetically to create a new story.

This is just an experiment as I am interested in randomly putting things together to find unexpected meanings and parallels.

By decontextualising these two stories and placing them together in a different format new meanings were created!

It seems as though the Derestriction sign is made out of “corrugated cardboard wrapping”, when in the original story it was an actual street sign and the corrugated cardboard was referring to something else.

The sign that has been put at her front gate takes on a much more sinister tone. This is because the sentence that follows it is from the part of the other story describing Ratigan Street.

Because both stories are centred on the same central location (a street) the stories blend well together.

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Ratigan Signs in Excel

Bidding goodbye to my eleven heavenly animal colleagues (I particularly missed my Fire Pig brother who last had his year and a difficult one for him it was), I leapt from The Great Wheel and landed soundlessly in Ratigan Street one early dawn.

But some of them are special.

Coming as I do from the animal kingdom with special regard towards my Earthly rat brethren, I sought permission to go amongst a selection of them invisibly, so as better to observe with an unhindered eye their treatment of their fellow rat.

Consider that endangered species, posted just outside of Goolmangar, the Derestriction Sign – drive to suit conditions.

Corrugated cardboard wrapping, propped up by two sticks scavenged from the windfalls.

Everyday we see them, up and down our valley, the signs that we don’t check any more because we know what is around the corner, where that funny bit of road that drops away is, which is the corner that gets slick in the rain and the name of the next bridge.

However our Derestriction Sign is different, for you are now entering a time warp – turn left at Goolmangar and it is 11km to Jiggi, 13 to Georgica.

I laugh at the words “Trust Dodgy – Sure Can!” The guys that were helping to put up a carport have left their calling card.

Just one last washout to negotiate as I turn into my driveway.
Like others in most country towns, Ratigan Street has its secrets.

Only the names have been changed to shield me from any Ratigan rat-finks who don't want it ratified.

Ratigan Street sticks out like a rancid rat tail on the edge of Rattleton,a tiny country seaside town.

Some things are special.

Stick your head out of a Ratigan Street door and watch the whiskers start twitching.

The road is wide, the footpaths unpaved, uneven with clumps of weeds, and the occasional sprinkling of rodent-like droppings.

There are two or three neatly mowed sections with paving to the gutter, reflecting a more neat and discrete rat family, but for the most part, the unkempt path belies the typical rat resident.

There is a sign at my gate that wasn’t there this morning. It is a Jiggi sign.

There is no escape. You will be found out, and the evidence will be stored for future reference behind those buttoned lips.

This vignette is a true story I swear, and quite auspicious because of its Rat Year inception.

We know it really means cruise down the middle of the road at a speed to suit your mood, keeping an eagle eye out for stray cows, wandering wallabies, oh, and other traffic.

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